今晩は旧正月の大晦日なんだ。何か寂しい気がします。今の時間だと、家族と親戚と皆でレストランでワーワー騒いでいるはずだ。特に楽しみしていたのはいとこ達に会えることだった。普段だったらうるさ過ぎる環境だけど、中国正月の時期になっても静かなのはどこかで不気味に感じる。
人生の中で３分の１の時間しか家族と過ごしていないのに、文化というものはしっかり無意識の底に染み付いていると、長く生きれば生きるほど思うようになった。去年の芥川賞の候補になった在日中国人の楊逸（ヤン・イー）さんの話を英字新聞で読んだ時もそう思った。彼女は日本で人生の半分を過ごして、私より何十倍も日本語が出来てもやはり主人公を中国人しか描けないと言ったのは自分の心のどこかで密かに共鳴している。だって、マレーシアを13歳の時に出て、欧米で半分以上の歳月を過ごしていて、人間は誰もが基本的なところは共通の存在しか持っていないということが心身で分かっているのに、今生の家族背景を選んで生まれ変わった私の感受性はやはりマレーシアのアジア人だ。
４０歳の中国正月はジョニーデップの血だらけの映画とインド料理で過ごした。ハハハ・・・
新年快樂（サン・ニン・ファイ・ロック）、恭喜發財（コン・ヘイ・ファッ・チョイ）
It's Chinese New Year's eve, and I remember being excited about seeing my cousins, some of whom I didn't see in a whole year. The quiet in Japan during this period evokes subtle feelings of discomfort, as if something is missing. The laughter, the loud voices, the food, gambling, children running in all directions, firecrackers, the sense of family and community.
I've spent more than two-thirds of my life away from home, in foreign lands which I had wanted to claim for my own, but I remain a Chinese Malaysian. Whatever does that mean? Nothing more than childhood experiences that made the first imprint in my life this time around, and from which grew my sensibilities to life. It was just a few days ago while I was reading an online newspaper article about Yang Yi, the Chinese writer who was nominated for the prestigious Akutagawa literary award in Japan, that I was deeply moved by my own resonances to what she said. She's lived in Japan for half her life and uses the Japanese language like a native speaker, or perhaps even more, and yet she professes that her protagonists can only be Chinese because that's who she is, and knows.
The truth of non-separation and the interconnectedness of all life is indeed the absolute truth, and yet on the level of relative truth, our diversity and our unique expression of life is what makes for life itself. Again, I'm reminded of how easily I can forget that ultimate truth is the balance and coexistence of both absolute and relative truths. Not one is better than the other and we cannot live only in the world of absolute truth.
Happy New Year! Kung Hei Fatt Choy!
人生の中で３分の１の時間しか家族と過ごしていないのに、文化というものはしっかり無意識の底に染み付いていると、長く生きれば生きるほど思うようになった。去年の芥川賞の候補になった在日中国人の楊逸（ヤン・イー）さんの話を英字新聞で読んだ時もそう思った。彼女は日本で人生の半分を過ごして、私より何十倍も日本語が出来てもやはり主人公を中国人しか描けないと言ったのは自分の心のどこかで密かに共鳴している。だって、マレーシアを13歳の時に出て、欧米で半分以上の歳月を過ごしていて、人間は誰もが基本的なところは共通の存在しか持っていないということが心身で分かっているのに、今生の家族背景を選んで生まれ変わった私の感受性はやはりマレーシアのアジア人だ。
４０歳の中国正月はジョニーデップの血だらけの映画とインド料理で過ごした。ハハハ・・・
新年快樂（サン・ニン・ファイ・ロック）、恭喜發財（コン・ヘイ・ファッ・チョイ）
It's Chinese New Year's eve, and I remember being excited about seeing my cousins, some of whom I didn't see in a whole year. The quiet in Japan during this period evokes subtle feelings of discomfort, as if something is missing. The laughter, the loud voices, the food, gambling, children running in all directions, firecrackers, the sense of family and community.
I've spent more than two-thirds of my life away from home, in foreign lands which I had wanted to claim for my own, but I remain a Chinese Malaysian. Whatever does that mean? Nothing more than childhood experiences that made the first imprint in my life this time around, and from which grew my sensibilities to life. It was just a few days ago while I was reading an online newspaper article about Yang Yi, the Chinese writer who was nominated for the prestigious Akutagawa literary award in Japan, that I was deeply moved by my own resonances to what she said. She's lived in Japan for half her life and uses the Japanese language like a native speaker, or perhaps even more, and yet she professes that her protagonists can only be Chinese because that's who she is, and knows.
The truth of non-separation and the interconnectedness of all life is indeed the absolute truth, and yet on the level of relative truth, our diversity and our unique expression of life is what makes for life itself. Again, I'm reminded of how easily I can forget that ultimate truth is the balance and coexistence of both absolute and relative truths. Not one is better than the other and we cannot live only in the world of absolute truth.
Happy New Year! Kung Hei Fatt Choy!
